Saturday, July 18, 2015

Never Give up the LPG Subsidy

Yesterday, while going through the newspaper as my morning choir, an advertisement at the corner of one page caught my attention. The Prime Minister of India is asking all the civilians to relinquish the LPG subsidy provided by the Government, which we all currently do benefit from. If we give up the subsidy, it would supposedly help one of the underprivileged houses to have a cooking gas connection.  There was also a footnote that around 23 million people in India have already given up their subsidized amount for each LPG cylinder.

While I salute to each and every one of these 23 million and in principle, truly support the intention of the government to help out the people in need, I am not really convinced how my forgoing of subsidy would help someone to light up the ‘chulha’ at his house, as it is being showcased. He still needs to pay for the gas connection; he still needs to pay the subsidized amount for each cylinder he consumes. He will not get it for free because of me surrendering my subsidy. Incidentally there were no statistics available anywhere to show how many underprivileged houses have actually received this facility with the additional income to the government by selling the gas cylinders at a non-subsidized amount to these 23 million brave souls.

I have given it a thought. While I have every intention to support the poor and underprivileged, I am not going to forgo my LPG subsidy. I may seem heartless and selfish, but I have my own reasons.

In this country it is really ridiculous that always I, the common man, am actually asked to surrender the subsidy while on the other hand it is me who ends up paying for everything and paying everything.

I have to sweat it out hard for each every penny I earn. And then I am levied with income tax, directly deducted from my salary and goes to the government treasury. Neither I can spend on myself nor do some shopping with complete liberty. If I do, I have to provide a value added tax on the goods I purchase. It is like plain robbery in a broad daylight. I go and eat in a restaurant with my family. I make a phone call. I browse internet. I watch television through a service provider. I book ticket for my vacation trip. Whatever I do for my own comfort and enjoyment using my own hard earned money I pay a service tax to which goes only to one direction, north. Then I buy a house for my family. I end up paying the government a significant stamp duty and registration fee. Then I keep on paying them a property tax year on year. I pay corporation tax for the water I consume, for the road on which I drive or walk, perhaps even for the air I breathe?

On the other hand, the politicians and government officials, mostly everyone, live in a government provided quarters or a lavish bungalow, based on the position or rank he holds. The maintenance and upkeep for these thousands of properties come from my pocket, from the tax that I pay. Our president lives in a palatial mansion with hundreds of rooms. I humbly ask why? Why can he not stay in his own home since he has one? Why should I need to pay my hard earned money attending to his comforts? Why can’t the palace be declared as a museum and the upkeep comes from the entry fees? Why can’t these government officials stay in their own houses or even rent one and do their duties? Why can they not forgo this particular privilege bestowed upon them? They can then channelize the same tax based incomes from me to the welfare of the society.

Adding insult to injury, all facilities for these guys are free - phone electricity internet television – everything. Well, it is free for them but eventually in reality all cost is borne by me. They can incur thousands of rupees of in bills and I keep paying for it. Why can they not pay their own bills? And with service tax too? Why must they enjoy these benefits? These are nothing but subsidies only, the prime difference being the subsidy amount is of 100% and comes out of my pocket, who does not have any relation with you?

Many government officials are allotted a car and relish free fuels. Why can they not pay for the fuels they consume for their own work from their own pockets? One may say that they are doing the duties to the nation but that is exactly their job, they are not doing charity or any favor to us. And moreover they get paid for it. Then why do I need to keep paying for it too?

They sneeze and get the best of the medical facilities, anywhere in the country for free. When a probe is launched against these ‘active’ officials, they get admitted to the best of the hospitals and keep wasting our money.

High ranked officials like our Pirme Minister and President always enjoy business class trips for every journey they embark on, however small it is. Even the mere pawns of the government get a free first class train ticket for their travel. Who bears the cost of this luxury but me?

If, hypothetically, these privileges are given up by these creatures, everyone in the country will gladly surrender the mere LPG subsidy, and perhaps we don’t even need to.

In reality though, on the contrary, it is these politicians create a raucous and hue and cry in the parliaments every now then demanding the salary hike every now and then and waste multiple sessions of the parliament, where they are elected to represent the problems of the mass and shout for them. Surprisingly, the demand for salary hike is passed unanimously, both oppositions and the ruling parties alike, because of inflation. It is them who are supposed to but can not control the inflation but do not need to bear the brunt of it. But it is me is who is at the receiving end.  They get higher income from the money of the tax payers like us who are suffering to the worst for the inflation that they are unable to keep in check. What an irony.

On election campaigns billions and billions are spent. Never ever a politician cuts a single one of these campaigns short and donates the excess money to the poor for whom they shout.

The parliamentarians enjoy a one rupee coffee and fifteen rupee biriyani everyday. This food is subsidized – around fifteen crore rupees per year is subsidized for the government. But why is no one bothered about fifteen crore subsidy per year on the parliament canteen? I am now paying for my food and feeding you guys from my pocket. Stop this subsidy; start paying for what a meal is actually worth, like me, you hypocrites and then talk to me about the LPG subsidy.

Most of these shameless loosers have declared crores worth of asset which they possibly could never afford, had they only survived on their salaries. Still we don't hear any politician has ever donated a single penny to the welfare of the poor, rather their relatives reap all the benefits.



Thousands of crores of taxpayers money is wasted to keep the filthy criminals like Kasab alive. We can rather have bastards like him dead as soon as possible and use that money to provide LPG connections to the needy brethren of our society.

I have never seen a minister, MP, MLA or even a local corporator or a councillor making a donation of a single penny to the poor. I am quite certain that not any of these guys have given up their LPG subsidy. These guys are like leeches who suck the blood out of the flesh from the civilians by accepting bribe for running even a small errand for a common man, something he is supposed to do as part of his job profile. We just keep paying them because we are helpless. These are vultures who do not even spare the dead ones.

The day government declares that all these unashamed creatures have renounced their LPG subsidy I will be the first person to happily give up mine.

No one tries to bring back the black money stashed abroad. Bring it back and no one will remain hungry in our country, no one will be ever without a gas connection, no one will be without a roof on their heads.

Till then, I will not forgo my LPG subsidy.

Friday, July 10, 2015

The Other Side of Hit and Run

******All characters depicted in this post are completely fictitious

Episode 1: Bhaigiri

Do you who I am? I am the Bhai. Watched and followed by millions. When my doggy takes poo poo people take selfies with my doggy. When I fart it becomes a trend. That I did anyway. I farted on the face of our law. Trying to put me behind the bars. Is it that easy? So what if I killed one of the bloody have-nots and injured four? What's the big deal? Everyone ought to die - some sooner some later. Why were they sleeping on the footpath? Saaley baap ka raaj hai kya? This city belongs to the rich. Footpath is for walking and not for taking naps you filthy stinky morons. Sometimes we will drink and drive on the footpaths. Steering in hand and alcohol in stomach - deadly combination. What could anyone do? We are that rich to afford it. If we don't enjoy life then who would?Why did you stupids not move? Delicious slumbers? Sweet dreams? Sorry Did I wake you up? Blind?Deaf? Or both? Saaley! Get under Bhai's car and demand compensation! I knew your crooked plans all along. Able bodied men don't look for jobs, only after easy shortcut money. You tell me they worked in that bakery. Then it is the bakery's fault not providing them staff quarters. No one questioned the owner of the bakery. One can't get peace because of these guys. But now see how it feels. Even the law could not pluck a single hair of me. So much money I had to spend for nothing. Apparently some of you don't have a home to stay but your useless conscience was larger than life. Total waste. Could have taken the money and walked out and lived in peace. But no! You thought you'd get cheap publicity if you stand against me. Someone had to be a hero. See who the real hero is now. Starve, rot and die in gutters. Long live these leechers, sorry,  these lawyers. Sucked a lot of money out but turned the case upside down. Haha. True lifesavers! They should get Ashoka Chakra from the Government for saving innocent lives everyday. Because of these guys only we could live in peace. They can prove whatever they want to. Can turn the black into white. So after 13 years of the farce no jail for me. And they brought the humanitarian angle to it as well. God knows how! But it worked. I got the message. Destroy these buggers and then do some useless charity. Probably the black buck case will also be drowned. Perhaps they will prove the blackbuck was a maneater and we had to save our lives. What did you ask? Why did I run if I was not guilty? I had to take a pee that's why. Now shut up and listen. Yes where was I? Oh yes...And there would be a lot of fools who would still treat you as an Idol. I am the Bhai for them you know! I move a finger and they kiss my ass. But many were rooting for a severe punishment. I am a celebrity so I must face exemplary punishment. These guys must be high on water. No one talked about my damages. My car broke down, my reputation as a driver had taken a bad hit - no leading lady wants to shoot a driving scene with me where I am behind the wheels, my family prevent me from having alcohol outside (life has become very shabby nowadays) and last but not the least I had to shell out a fortune from my own pocket (but thanks to my fans all my stupid meaningless movies are still the highest grossed). But now eat your humble pie you idiots. In India, rich get richer and never go to jail. They go abroad for vacations. What did you guys think? I will go to Yerwada jail, reunite with Sanjubaba and there will be a sequel of Chal Mere Bhai? Never ever. And oh yes, that singer. He is one step ahead of me. He called these bloody victims as dogs. Bollocks! Man either he had a lot of guts or he is completely insane, just out of his mind.He defended his statements on television. I have to give him some work. Poor fellow does not have any work for the last two years. Going through a real hardship. But he had now managed to get my attention.Hey I have to go now and do some charity. Only yesterday I donated my torn off underwears to my gardener. He is so happy. He said he would frame it. There are many such examples but I don't beat my own trumpet in public. After all I am 'being human' you know. Hehehe.

Episode 2: The Dreaming Girl

What? You need my interview? Why? Nobody takes my interview nowadays. Agree I was the dream girl to many but that was during the prehistoric age. Nowadays I only do water purifier ads for living. Sometimes I have to act in movies still because it is difficult to sustain the royal lifestyle based on just that ad. And I am really not sure how many people rely on me endorsing a product.The meager salary of an MP is no match for my lifestyle.....Oh but you want me to talk about the driving episode instead? See there is nothing much that I can add to what I told. The scars on face have still not healed so please don't take a photo. I am still under trauma. What? These are just minor injuries? Are you insane? You forget I am an actress. The face is everything for an actress even if she is from the bygone ages. What? People are saying I was overspeeding? See I am a VIP and I was driving a mercedes. And you say I shoud not overspeed? Don't make me laugh it still hurts. Whose car would overspeed then? Aam aadmi?? How many of them do even have a mercedes?? Haha. See it is the fault of the traffic police who alowed other cars on the same road. They should have cordoned off the whole area for me. In fact I also don't like useless crowd around me. Anyway what is the next question? Why did I get medical attention within minutes and the people in the car didn't? Again I am a bloody VIP for God's sake and have to be treated like one. If Sachin Tendulkar goes to a bank to open an account would you make him stand in queue after 50 people? If Amitabh Bachchan goes to a hypermarket should he stand in a long queue to pay for his shopping? Not in India bro. Similarly like me, an MP of the ruling party, a goddess of old days - perhaps many even today romanticize me, though I would not be too hopeful about it. I would never go to a hospital and stand behind hundreds of sweaty and stinking common men. That's the same reason I always pull my window glasses up while travelling through a crowd so that no overly enthusiastic crazy one can touch me. You can never predict their next act! Why didn't I look into the other car? I simply didn't want to. I am, the dream girl, almost died of shock. I was,as I always is, in a state to be looked at. What's everyone saying about me? See you media guys are alwsys news hungry. And your speciality is defamation. And people in India just wait for excuses to chew on the characters of the celebrities like us. All play and no work. See I am apologizing in twitter, my daughters though they do not have regular source of income promised compensation and I myself am doing a lot of damage control but still I have been made the villain. In my whole life I have never got a role to play a villain. What about my driver getting arrested? Since then I am not able to go out. And not only that. I am not literally able to show my sorry face to anyone because of these scars. And what about the person driving the other car? He should have driven the car more carefully. In fact he should have parked the car at one side and waited for me to pass them by. Apart from me everyone is guilty of something but I am being singled out. This is nothing but a political vendetta against me. It is a sabotage. So no more today. The more I speak today the more material you get. Anyway remember always that I am an actor. You never know when I am not acting hahahaha. I have to go for a movie shoot out now where I am always sleeping - like what I anyway do while I am in the parliament, if I am in the parliament. So from the dream girl to the dreaming girl, that's quite a journey. If possible write about those. Far more interesting than this stupid accident. You might even get a Padma Shri. I have to take your leave now. See you. Bbye.